Now recuperating from her pills overdose the truth star states she deeply regrets her actions and it is advocating others in danger to find help
Tearful Towie star Maria Fowler has revealed the very first time how she attempted to kill herself by downing pills saying: “I wanted to flee.Inches
The sobbing former glamour model opened up her heart towards the Sunday People about her spiral into depression after claims she was really a high-class escort.
Stunning Maria wound up taking pills, texting pals in despair and falling apart inside a park.
She stated: “I felt so desperate. I did not wish to die however i didn’t wish to live. I felt just like a caged animal. It had been a cry for help - I did not have anybody to go to.Inches
Fortunately her friend known as an ambulance which required her to hospital where she spent 72 hours on the drip.
Now retrieved from her ordeal two days ago, Maria, 26, deeply regrets her suicide bid and it is advocating others in danger to find help. She stated: “There’s nothing glamorous about attempting to kill yourself. It’s been the worst duration of my existence.
“Now I wish to turn an adverse into an optimistic and make certain it doesn’t occur to others. I seem like I’ve received another chance.”
Maria was among the stars of The Only Method Is Kent when, in October 2011, it had been alleged she'd jetted around the globe like a £600-an-hour escort and been bathed with gifts from mega-wealthy males, including lawyers, bankers and sheikhs.
Maria strenuously refused it and was adamant she was really a promotions girl to have an exclusive agency working in london.
She stated: “From as soon as individuals accusations arrived on the scene my whole existence transformed.
“Before I had been pretty happy, really taking pleasure in time on Towie and that i were built with a great existence. But afterwards everything got quite dark. I felt constantly anxious, as though there is a hands round my throat.
“As we shot the Towie Christmas single I had been screaming inside, like I had been inside a bubble.”
Maria felt the ITV2 show was not encouraging.
She stated: “The production staff didn’t call me for 13 days following the accusations arrived on the scene. They didn’t even answer the telephone, I felt like I'd lost everything, it had been horrible.”
She also complained Towie bosses had attempted arrange a romance with Sugar Hut club owner Mick Norcross, 50, despite the fact that she was dating footballer Lee Croft, 28, now playing for League One Oldham Sports.
She left Towie in The month of january this past year after three series and became determined by mao inhibitors.
Yet Maria skipped existence while watching camera. She described: “I am busy on the program it masked my feelings. If this stopped it got boring, like I had been just existing.” Maria could quit taking her daily mao inhibitors while she and Lee loved a remain in Scotland. But she was back around the medication once they split in March 2012.
However it was Maria’s proceed to Peterborough with boyfriend, ice-hockey player James Morgan, 28, which restarted her suicidal ideas. She felt lonely and isolated from her buddies and family in Derby and not able to bond with James’ girl, aged four.
She stated: “I love being with James, he’s been ideal for me however i didn’t know anybody and that i spent considerable time by myself. We'd plenty of drunken rows and stated things we didn’t mean.”
Wiping away tears, Maria recalled: “I felt backed right into a corner and I’d remove it on him. I felt very lost again.”
Two days ago she contended with James and stormed from their home planning to finish her existence.
She stated: “I don’t think he realised how serious it had been. Tears were streaming lower my face. I felt so desperate.” Maria required pills purchased from three chemists. She stated: “I was travelling in this condition. I’d no clue where I had been. Initially I needed enter into front of the vehicle however i couldn’t put someone using that.
“So I cleaned lower the pills with cola and began wandering the roads. I sitting inside a woman’s front yard and she or he stated ‘are you OK?’ I simply stated yes after which I scurried off.”
Maria clarified a text from her closest friend. She stated: “I told him I did not desire to be here anymore and I’d taken lots of pills. He known as me and explained to become calm, stay still and wait there to have an ambulance.”
Before it showed up Maria Researched the results of overdosing around the pills she'd taken.
She discovered they are able to give sufferers organ failure and take days to kill someone.
Maria flattened and was confused once the ambulance showed up to consider her to some&E at Peterborough City Hospital, and was placed on a drip.
“I am scared. Once they put me around the first drip I simply began vomiting everywhere.
“I took it home however they stated should you go back home your organs will fail. I had been in bits.” Around the third evening she was released from hospital. Maria, who had been not registered having a GP, stated she'd didn't have the arrogance to request for help. She stated: “People don’t give you support with depression as it isn't an actual disability.
“I’m a large character so when individuals are around me it normally won't see what I’m like when I’m by myself. People would say ‘you’ll be fine, you’ll overcome it’.
“Only my mother Trudy stated I desired to return to the doctor.” Because the suicide bid Maria continues to be living silently together with her mother in Derby.
Maria, that has released a tanning range and it is doing TV and magazine work, stated: “I’ve been searching on the web and I do not think there's a lot of hospital after-care.
“When I'd a cyst on my attention a couple of days ago they provided lots of here is how to deal with it.
“But in my depression and publish overdose they didn’t.
“That’s a genuine problem, people think since you can’t view it it isn’t there.”
Maria stated: “I known as NHS direct and also the Samaritans. I felt I desired anyone to help and not simply listen, that’s the purpose I’m at now. I believe there isn’t enough support.
“I desire to use my experience to create to light the way in which people could possibly get support. I’ve a great family and buddies however i felt I'd nobody.Inches
A representative for Towie’s production company Lime Pictures stated: “The welfare in our cast is of vital importance. Included in our duty of care a psychiatrist can be obtained to any or all cast whenever they need or want it.
“As along with seeking support in the production psych at that time, Maria seemed to be based on senior professionals who had regular connection with her.
“Producers refute any claims they urged an incorrect relationship.”